April 6, 2018

April 6th 2018. 

I got the call my friend Jacob had killed himself. He was 26.
I met him in 3rd grade. He was the funniest person I've ever known. He invented the concept of "comedic integrity", which is something like the opposite of regular integrity. It means to commit to a joke at all costs. Even if no one else thinks it's funny. Especially if no one else thinks it's funny.
I was at a bar in Boston, 800 miles from home, the sound of a party in the background.
So many people that didn't know Jacob, that would never get to know him. It was my loss and theirs. I pitied everyone on Earth that would never even know Jacob had lived.
He hated himself as much as anyone else loved him. 
I wanted to go back into that bar and tell everyone to stop having fun. There was no way they could enjoy themselves now that Jacob was dead.
Instead, I took a taxi back to where I was crashing and cried on the couch.

"Catch you guys on the flippy floppy. Have fun."
- Jacob's last recorded words

This was made as a part of the meditations.games project. The song is Trying to Get Back, by Aaron Garcia.